squeeekphoto

my sweet girls

2011-02-05T23:52:00.009-05:00

fix it friday

2010-08-20T09:23:00.000-04:00

before and after
(before is the bottom one!)

Stream of consciousness

2010-08-13T11:32:00.000-04:00

God, why does every surface of everything have to be covered with clutter?
Yes, you can have something to drink.
No, she hasn’t been changed yet. Has you mom said it’s okay for her to come tonight?
If I had known that they wanted the entire month’s tuition, I wouldn’t have paid the first installments of all those medical bills this week.
You’re going to pay the mortgage late? Oh, yeah I guess it doesn’t matter that much.
Why am I wasting my time and talents working for these fucking ungrateful people? Oh yeah, bills.
I don’t want to brush that hair. I just don’t.
Why do we keep this stupid ass dog around? I know you let him out a million times. Are you going to clean that pee?
If you don’t put some panties on you don’t get to watch any shows or play any games on the computer.
Yes, you can have chicken soup for breakfast.
Where is Maddie’s pacifier?
Check it out, I pumped 14 ounces this morning from just one boob.
What kind of bubble water would you like? Orange, lemon-lime, cherry or regular?
I guess we could just thaw out some chicken, or there is always frozen crap to eat.
Are you going to be late tonight?
What time is his surgery?
Pick up your shoes and put them in the shoe drawer.
Oh, fast music? Yeah, that’s a fun way to clean your room.
Why is there noise coming out of every single room in this house?
Why does my body ache the way I imagine it should ache when I’m 80?
God, my toes look even worse wearing Geo’s sandals.
Yes, sleep. I need it so badly.
For the millionth f-ing time, why, why, why can’t he learn how to hang a towel straight so it dries?
Need a new bouncy seat now.. great.
Mickey Mouse? Okay. Which episode? Mickey’s Camp Out. Okay.
Where’s your cup?
I need to make a phone call. Could you be quiet for 3 minutes?
Mom, let me call you back when it’s a little less crazy. I love you, too.
“WHAT?!, Zoey? I’m on the PHONE.”
“I love you, mommy.”
“I love you, too, sweetie.”

The messy truth

2010-08-07T23:16:00.000-04:00

Her hair.

It’s a damned mess most of the time.

Frizzy, fly away, multiple lengths of strands going this way and that.

Sometimes in the morning she has this mass on the back that is so teased it looks like she’s headed to an 80’s revival playdate.

Her preferred style? Messy, and in her face.

About a year ago, SHE decided.

“No more munitos.”

Munitos are the Cuban slang for rubber bands, or tie backs, or just about any hair clippie or accessory. Doesn’t matter, none of those things would be on her head or in her hair, thank you very much.

And we battled at first.

Things got ugly, tears were shed, mommy and daughter both had tantrums over this issue.

“Pleeeease?”

A few times, yes.

“I’ll give you ______________, if you wear a ponytail.”

No. Not anymore.

Even when we are having a quiet moment and I do that thing where I play with her hair and gently tuck some strands behind her ears, she pulls it back out and thrusts it aggressively in her face.

Explanations?

Yes, I’ve given a few.

“Zoey, you have the most beautiful face but I cannot see it with your hair in your face.”

Nope.

“Zoey, all the other girls wear munitos in their hair.”

Answer: “yes, and I do not.”

“Zoey, if you would wear munitos your hair would not be so tangled all the time and it wouldn’t hurt when I brush it.”

Nope.

So tonight when going through my photos, and editing a few, I noticed something funny.

I love her messy hair. I’ve taken dozens of photos of it, backlit and glorious.

I thought I wanted her to put it in little sweet pigtails (and I do still!), but that wouldn’t be the truth of her.

And turns out her messy is my beautiful afterall.

Love in a bottle

2010-07-24T12:26:00.000-04:00

Can I start this post with a pun? .

How about “I suck at breastfeeding.”

Please don’t refer (or report) me to La Leche League. It does no good.

I’m on my second baby now, and second month of it. Mostly her luscious, wonderful, nutrient and antibody-filled elixir is delivered from a bottle.

I can hear the tsk, tsks of those judgey moms who seem to have been born to breastfeed.

Sometimes I’m actually pumping while bottle feeding her and it seems like some kind of strange Rube Goldberg contraption.

Why pump?

Why pump when I could simply do what nature intended and offer up my breast and share a quiet, warm and wonderful feeding session with my baby. We’d both relax and I’d stare at her while she coos and the stars in the sky would smile down on us, right?

I blame two things: our modern, too-busy lifestyle, and my uptight, control-freak personality.

When I was in the hospital with her, the nurses hardly ever found me without her attached to my breast.

The most powerful urge a new mother has is to keep her baby alive, which means keep it fed. (and don’t drop it.)

So the moment she would wake, I brought her to me and let her take as much of that colostrum as she could handle.

We did have those wonderful, quiet, dark nursing moments. But uh, you are only in the hospital for two days.

When I came home and was inevitably engorged to porn star proportions, the breastfeeding issues began.

I pumped for some relief and stored away all the extra in the freezer. Maddie nursed like a freak, gobbling and gulping and gasping. She’d choke and sputter and vomit a lot. I’d worry and wish it were easier.

After consulting Mother Google, I figured out I have overactive ta ta’s. Adding even more complexity to this very “natural process,” each of my breasts has a separate personality. My left one, Big Bertha, does most of the work but she’s too aggressive; fills up too full, comes out too fast. My right one, Lazy Suzy, takes too long to let down, doesn’t make as much milk and generally doesn’t care.

Maddie doesn’t have time to deal with all that boobie drama, so she just gets irritated and feedings become stressful for both of us.

So back to me being a control freak.

With a bottle, Maddie gets the milk delivered in a consistent flow.

There is a perfect 4 oz marker right there on the plastic so I can see how much she eats.

If I make too much milk (which I do), I can guarantee there is always plenty stored away for whatever might come up.

I’m honestly not up to the task of learning the “art” of breastfeeding.

I wish I was one of those amazing babywearing, co-sleeping, pre-natal yoga doing, kashi eating moms who could somehow breastfeed and lead a modern life, too.

Maybe all those breastfed babies who fall asleep listening to their mother’s heart beating go to Harvard or something?

My Maddie, who is lulled to sleep by the rhythmic mechanical sound of my electric pump, will at least make it to technical school.

Figuring it all out, finding my "voice"

2009-09-03T23:36:00.000-04:00

So probably a topic of considerable angst, especially among creative beginner portrait photographers. I hope to eventually specialize in family, childhood and maternity portrait photography. There are many brilliant photographers out there, and just as many unique styles. And for every "unique and truly fabulous" style, there are about 50 average duplications of it.
Props or no props?
Moody or lighthearted and fun?
Dress up outfits and fabulous staging or come-as-you-are?
Textures or no?
Close ups or far away stories?
Perfect exposure and commercial quality, or flawed and sun-flare filled?
I enjoy it all when it is done well, consistently, and comes from a pure place.

What I'm doing for now?
Trying to relax and do what comes naturally and have fun in the process.
Taking millions and millions of photos, and sifting them out like bits of pretty shells in a pile of sand. The ones that appeal to me will tell me the story of the direction I'm going in, I think.

A Tuesday Tutorial - a truly vintage conversion

2009-09-01T22:06:00.001-04:00

CLICK IMAGE TO VIEW LARGER PLEASE
I've discovered a fun new way of making "vintage" inspired photos that so far, seems to be very true to actual vintage images. I'm thinking circa 20's, and maybe earlier? I'm an ignoramus when it comes to history, so I could be off.
Before I explain the technique, I'll explain my image choice for this treatment.
1. The subject matter is somewhat timeless. (with the exception of her fingernails and maybe her clothing in the first image.)
2. She's got a serious face. Many earlier photos are non-smiling subjects. I think it has to do with the slow exposure or maybe the myth that smiling in photos made people appear insane?

I use Photoshop CS4, but I think many of these steps could be duplicated in earlier versions. All of these steps are very general and should be toyed with to your liking.
1. After you've chosen your image, make a layer copy and set the blending mode to "screen."
2. Create a new adjustment layer using Channel Mixer.
3. Set it to Black and White Infrared
4. You should see instant drama. But it will make all the reds - especially skin tones, appear blotchy and unattractive. Here's how to fix that:
5. Create a new blank layer, just under the channel mixer adjustment mask.
6. Select a paintbrush with soft edge to the size you need. For a subtle way to "paint" out and make those skin tones soft and get silky, smooth skin, set your brush to the following. Color = 7fa15e (a kind of olive green.) Set your brush blending mode to soft light, and turn down the opacity and flow somewhere around 25%.
7. Use your brush on that layer to paint the skin and other problem areas. If you go too far, you can just use the eraser tool to tone it down.
8. Finally, select a vintage type texture to apply to the top layer. I happened to use Florabella textures, but there are plenty of free ones out there. For a "warm effect" simply set it to soft light blending effect and you are finished. For these images, I chose a warm texture, but wanted to cool the images a bit so I did "adjust/invert" to the texture to get the bluish tone.

So there you have it!
I know I could go into a LOT more detail with this tutorial, and if you are stuck and don't understand my instructions, feel free to email me. emily@squeeekphoto.com In the future as I find more time, I'll do a lot more detail-intensive tutorials.
Have fun!

Zoey and Mr. Bunny

2009-08-24T11:39:00.001-04:00

UPDATE! I'm so honored to have been a featured pic last week in this challenge. There were so many AMAZING entries, and it's truly humbling to be recognized in such a talented group. Thanks so much!! Click HERE to see the other featured winners.

This is my entry this week for the "nostalgia" theme at I ♥ Faces. CLICK IMAGE TO SEE LARGER.
Zoey crashes out sometimes during the drive, and I bring her in and lay her on the couch. Since she was a baby, she's had "Mr. Bunny." My husband and I were worried that the terrible time might arrive when Mr. Bunny could possibly be lost, and then she'd never sleep again. So I found a "duplicate" on ebay, and we had two that played as one. The time came when she eventually found the twin in the dryer. And now "Mr. Bunny" has become "The Bunnies. Either way, she won't sleep without the pair.
For now, sometimes they are stinky, and irritating when they are lost in the house, or must be carted around when we go grocery shopping.. but one day I'll miss them.

Notice the little things, but seek the big picture...

2009-08-23T00:19:00.000-04:00

A very dear friend sent me one of those forwarded email stories yesterday. Some of these email forward things are very annoying and stupid. Some move me to check them out on snopes.com, then re-email the b.s. back to everyone as "false." But this was one of those hokey, true ones. Read the whole thing HERE.The gist of the story was this:A world famous violinist played for 1 hour in the metro station in Washington, D.C. on a handcrafted 1713 Stradivarius violin, reputedly worth $3.5 million. After one hour playing one of the most difficult compositions ever written, he was barely noticed and had earned only $32 in tips. The point? That we don't pay attention to the beauty or wonderful things in our life if they are not set in the correct context. We are too busy "going about our business" to appreciate art or music or anything, really.
So tonight I had set a goal for myself to begin gathering a nice selection of portfolio-worthy images. I went back into my rejected images and began to look again, but in a different context. I wanted to view what I believed would be the most moving images for my CLIENTS, not for me. I've been very focused on trend, and technical aptitude, and props, and processing.. I've paid so much attention to so many of the talented photographers I've found on Flickr and in other places. By those standards, this image would probably not cut the mustard. But in the proper context -- to the parents -- this image is perfect.
So here's my reminder to myself: beauty can be found in imperfection. Context is everything.

There is something about the ocean..

2009-08-19T21:14:00.000-04:00

I don't get to the beach enough, and it's a terrible shame since it's all of five minutes away.
Zoey and I had been cooped in the house a little too long today, so I said "let's go."
But not so fast -- "Hey Zoey, how about trying on this really pretty outfit from great-grandma?"
She loved it, mostly because it was like jammies.. loose, cotton and a little too big.
So I loaded her up in her precious little outfit and took her down to the sand and sea. My second time with a toddler in this terrain, and more terrifying this time for these reasons:
1. I was alone with her
2. The tides were stronger this time
3. Switching lenses and dealing with sand and saltwater and expensive gear makes me feel distracted and nervous
Anyway, the adventure lasted for about 30 minutes. She Diva'd out when the seaweed and sand got too messy on the dress. I think she's so funny sometimes.
It was worth it to get our toes sandy and for the amazing photo I was able to get. Cheers.
Click here to see the image in my Flickr photostream.

A purple door only adds romantic value, not property value

2009-08-11T14:24:00.000-04:00

Our house is one of those "upside down" houses. Or "under water" is another term they use, although 3 miles from the beach is far from under water.

That means we owe way more on the loan than we'd ever hope to sell it for right now.

It's our very first home, purchased more than two years ago.

When my husband and I were looking for a home, we did lots of drive bys and peek in windows. During these weekend trips driving through neighborhoods and dashing out to look at the flyers in the tubes and walking through properties, we were so excited at the possibilities.

After dozens of "well, that seems okay, but it would need so and so... " we spotted The One.

Yellow with a purple door and purple trim. White window planter boxes with pink impatiens.

I fell in love with it and barely a month later, we were officially Home.

It is less than 1000 square feet.

It has closets that are so small there is room for nothing.

It is 57 years old. When you run the hose, or flush the toilette, or do the laundry, there is hardly any water pressure for anything else.

It is on a busy street, and has a chain link fence all around the front yard.

The neighborhood has questionable characters around at all hours, often.

But it has flowers in the yard that my husband has so beautifully landscaped.

It is my daughter's universe. Under the shade tree in the front yard is perfect for her kiddie pool and sand box.

The lighted tiki torches at night on our patio transform dinners into something magical.

It's our place.

funny, silly face theme at I Heart Faces

2009-08-10T15:42:00.000-04:00

This pic was taken a long time ago, but it's always been one of my faves.

Thought it fit into the theme really well.

To see more entries, go on over to http://www.iheartfaces.com/

FIX IT FRIDAY - for iheartfaces.com

2009-08-07T19:11:00.000-04:00

My first ever "Fix it Friday" entry for the AMAZING blog, www.iheartfaces.com.
If you've never been there, it's such a cool place for just about anything you can think of regarding photography.
The community is warm and friendly, the tutorials are awesome, and the participants are so full of inspiration and talent.
It's an absolutely addicting place to visit on the web.

For this pic, I didn't have to edit TOO much because it was so beautiful already.
I cropped it square, pumped up the colors a bit by blending two layers on "soft color" blend mode, sharpened a tad, and tweaked the eyes a little brighter.
I did a selective color mask to really brighten up the pinks in the flowers, and also used the burn tool to pump up the saturation on the cute little surfboards on his shirt.
Lastly, I added a subtle vignette effect to draw the eyes inward.
I really love color, and vivid "saturated" looks, so this was probably the first of many edits that result in this kind of look..
Glad I got to participate!

To see the original, you can click the image and it will take you to my Flickr photostream.
To see all the other amazing versions, go to www.iheartfaces.com, and click on "fix it friday" button to be wow'd!

Whew... hit with a karma avalanche!

2009-08-05T19:27:00.000-04:00

Today feels so great!
Two REALLY nice things happened:
1. I made Flickr's Explore with my beach pic. (see above and click it to see the original)
2. I've already gotten a request for "what I'd charge" for some portrait photography
HUH?! (Advice anyone? I'm trying to figure out my "internship level" price package, or if I will even consider taking anyone's money yet...)
Today makes 23 days since my Nikon arrived and I feel like I've been on a serious sprint ever since the UPS guy handed me the box.
I am totally in awe of how the niceness of the universe is beginning to blend into the shape I always hoped and imagined it could. There is a huge, powerful and anonymous Internet World, and an equally powerful, personal and much, much smaller "real life" world.
I need and crave the goodness from both. I hope I can reciprocate all that I take.
So this post today is a big 'ol shout out to all the cool ass people that I love and know personally, and all the people I don't know, but would probably click with instantly if I met them.
Thanks, ya'll.

Day 19 with D90 + first newborn shoot = technical difficulties

2009-08-04T07:11:00.000-04:00

I work with cool, friendly, helpful people. So when my coworker who knows I'm doing portfolio building said "I have a newborn for you," I said "Okay!!"
Then I said to myself "omigod."
I haven't even gotten through the user's manual yet!!
The family I shot couldn't have been friendlier. They were excited and eager to help me get ANY shot I wanted. I had full reign of the house and the camera was my license to be creative.
Unfortunately, after hours of shooting (and mingling, and eating!), I came home with hundreds and hundreds of unusable pics.
I was mortified and crushed.
I sat down to sift through the rubble of my session, downtrodden.
Then a nice thing happened. My husband came to peek and told me I was crazy. "Sweetie, what are you talking about?! That's a GREAT shot!"
"Mmmm, yeah... I guess so.. it's not too bad."
This happened for a handful of pics until I came up with a nice selection of the best.
In the end, the parents got some beautiful pics of their son they will cherish forever.
I got some practice with what it feels like to NOT know what I'm doing.
And I realized how lucky I am to have such a sweet hubby.
HERE is where you can find the rest of the pics from the session.

First shoot on the beach!

2009-07-31T16:04:00.000-04:00

Okay, not every beginner photographer is so lucky.
The beach is literally minutes from my house, and my friend and co-worker has a son that looks like a little model. Those were the two ingredients for my first ever "session." It was pretty much unplanned, and both of us were unprepared. But her son got to romp in the sand and surf and I got to click, click away..
Although there are lots and lots of things I'd have done differently, I'm giving myself a pat on the back for a few of my favorite shots.
Click here to see the rest of set in my Flickr photostream. I'll probably add a few more when I have time to edit.. stay tuned!

When it's fun, it works...

2009-07-29T09:30:00.000-04:00

So I've been overwhelmed with my new camera in a good AND bad way. I'm such an impatient person, and also a perfectionist about certain things -- so combining those traits with a fancy, highly technical tool and only one week under my belt has made for some serious anxiety.

Thankfully, I returned to common sense yesterday and relaxed and reminded myself that it should be FUN.

Zoey and I headed to the downtown park and I snapped away the whole time. She picked flowers, rolled in the grass, ran from my tickles and played with other kids.

We both got sweaty and red-faced.

In the end, I got some beautiful pictures that will remind me of the nice time we had.

The storyboard above: Zo wanted to decorate her shoes with the pink flowers. I thought it was so sweet and VERY typically girly.

I heart faces - "At the Beach" photo challenge

2009-07-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

I live about 3 miles from the beach, so it was tough to pick a fave.
This is a recent one from a vacation I had at the end of May. We are on a rooftop at the pool and Zoey is missing all the action. It makes a really great background on my screensaver, too. Sometimes at work I look at this picture on my desktop and feel the same way -- "wish I could escape and get down to the water."

Click on the image to see other pics in my Flickr photostream.

Red is the color of love, balloons and blood

2009-07-25T23:57:00.001-04:00

[below, the story of how that scab appeared on her knee.]

I work full time, so by the time 5 ‘o clock started getting near, I was already in a near panic about lighting.
Desparation and sheer panic. No, insanity and obsession. No, neurosis and psychosis.
I MUST rush to the grocery store and get red balloons. Will I have time to even comb her hair? Crap.
What if she’s not in the mood? The sun is going down, the sun is going down...
I should probably get some groceries, too.
“Yes, I’ll take five balloons.”...
Wow, they are pretty big.
“Um, let’s make it four.”

Home.
“Hi sweetie!!! Look, mommy brought a surprise!!”
{great, she’s pleased! she’ll cooperate.}

Hair into sloppy pigtails, new dress, from Marshall’s, (on sale) is on.
Mad dash to the car, with new balloons, new camera, newly dressed toddler, and new obsession in tow.
No wipies. No sippy cup. No bunnies or play toys.
It’ll be fine.

{Don’t force it. Don’t be a mean mommy. Just let her have fun. Oh shit, she lost a balloon.}

Heartbreaking, sobbing, she can’t believe that balloon is way up there, floating off into space.
What am I DOING?? Why am I taking photos of her wailing.
Oh, come on.. it’s just a balloon. She’ll get over it.

Tears gone, now only three balloons. Smile returned. Boogers wiped off. Photoshoot in progress.

“Hey sweetie, you look so beautiful. Do you think you can come running toward mommy ONE more time? I PROMISE we’ll go play in the park as soon as I take a FEW more shots.”

And she did. Came running, hard, without her shoes, as I had instructed. Smiling even.
Stumbled. Fell. Splayed out on that icky, terrible summer-hot asphalt.
This was a bad one.
I put down the new camera.. carefully.

A slow stream of red blood trickled down, starting at her knee, all the way to her ankle.
It was so bright, and warm, and red.
Just like the balloons.

Oh, how awful. What have I done?
No wipies to clean it.
No sippy cup to give her some water.
I had nothing but a dirty beach towel and some warm bottled water in the car.
We cleaned up with those things, and she was very brave.
I fulfilled my promise to let her go play in the park, bloodied, tear stained.

Sun was finally almost completely down as we pulled into the driveway home.
She reached her hand and rested it softly on my forearm as I was unbuckling her.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too,” I said.
And one of a billion tiny little threads in my heart, broke.

[click here to see a shot from the balloon shoot]

I'm a maniac, maniac...

2009-07-22T16:59:00.000-04:00

Can't stop practicing with the new camera.. think I'll head to the beach tonight at sunset and try out some shots there, too.. I'm having sooooooooo much fun. Luckily my daughter was used to me chasing her around with my P&S, so she's pretty cooperative..

She cries, even to abuelo the clown

2009-07-22T00:37:00.001-04:00

She cries, even to abuelo the clown, originally uploaded by squeeekphoto.com.Every time I pick her up from abuela and abuelo's house, she cries when she realizes the fun is soon over.

violets by window

2009-07-21T15:45:00.001-04:00

violets by window, originally uploaded by squeeekphoto.com.

Took this one today on my lunch break. Edited with Florabella textures. I'm pretty pleased with how soft it feels...

Zoey and Mommy's foot -- a portrait for I HEART FACES feet entry

2009-07-21T09:46:00.001-04:00

IMG_5712-e, originally uploaded by squeeekphoto.com.

Here's a recent pic of mine and Zoey's foot. I like how her name kinda sits on my big toe. We had fun shooting this one together. This is my first entry to iheartfaces.com. Click on the pic to see it in my flickr account.

4.99 score! cool chair i'm gonna paint for photos

2009-07-19T12:34:00.001-04:00

4.99 score! cool chair i'm gonna paint for photos, originally uploaded by squeeekphoto.com.

quick shot of a thrift store chair I painted purple for photo props. Can't wait to use it. Stay tuned for lots of cool pics in the future.
Click image to see my before/after.